You Always Hurt The Ones You Love

County Limerick, in Ireland, draws no small bit of fame due to the consensus that a poetic form of jesting, the limerick, derives from there. Widely heralded as an example of bawdy rhymes, in which the first, second, and fifth line rhyme with one another, as well as the third and fourth, they are often dismissed as mere doggerel. But those who do so risk writing off a form that has its devotees, moreso in praise of the laughter evoked, rather than their sober intent and lofty musings.

Here then, in honor of that tradition, are some that were crafted recently to bring notice upon realcent.org forum members, who, in all likelihood, would have preferred to remain outside this particular circle of limelight. With the intent of providing a laugh for those who know them best, and recording for posterity these five-line jokes, then let us now expose to pillory some of these fine folks. If perusing these mockeries stimulates mirth, why not visit realcent.org and lurk or join for more fun yet?

Doc Chris Rodebaugh

There once was a Doc named Rodebaugh
Who prized Morgans more than cole slaw
But the long arm of the law
Reached forth with its claw
When Chris peddled a counterfeit flaw

There once was a Doc named Rodebaugh
Who preferred slabbed St. Gauden's over raw
But then he learned he'd been reamed
By a fake gold-colored coin scheme
Now third party grading sticks in his craw

There once was a Doc named Rodebaugh
Who wielded his craft with dental saw
They thought they were getting a filling
As their gold fillings he was stealing
Which left quite a hole in each patient's jaw

Once Doc found his woman with a Jamaican
In six feet of water covering Caribbean sand
It's a good thing that clown
Was already half-drowned
Or Rodie might have Aruba'd that man


Beauanderos

There once was an old geezer named Ray
Who was practically giving his silver away
It was really feedback he was after
Which accounts for all the laughter
As members wondered what's on sale today?


Txbullion

Txbullion's real name is Jack
And it's pennies that he loves to stack
In fact he's got so much copper
He may be richer than Cyndi Lauper
Is it any surprize he's lost track?


Corsair

Corsair's a student some say
Who in Calculus just got an A
An accomplishment to be proud of
Till you learn extra credit was allowed
I hope he didn't do that for the grade?


Market Harmony

Market Harmony is a fellow named Mike
Who enjoys it when precious metals spike
Women melt in his arms, too
Or at least their gold charms do
As he re-molds them into something he likes


Kidman232

Adam Rice is a fairly nice guy
I'm surprized you would have to ask why
With a name like the kidman
Even Jamaicans urge "Bid, Mon!"
So most auctions he loses, but he tries


Thogey

Eric (Thogey) has a business doing lawns
But it's not always foreign silver he pawns
Once he went in for some money
With a red package that was runny
The broker yelled "that's a toe! Sew it back on!"


68camaro

68camaro is a great guy named Rich
Rates the markets, better than Fitch
On the rise of metals I'm told
He favors silver over gold
If he's wrong, well "ain't life a bitch?"


Sheikh_yer_Bu'_Tay

Sheikh yer Bu Tay repairs roofs in the rain
Covering holes so that they will drain
It's actually quite frightening
He works faster than lightning
But when he doesn't, "Oh Lord, the pain!"


Jonflyfish

Jonflyfish loves to explain
With PM's up or down how he gains
Silver and gold will now either
Hold, advance, or retreat here
Ain't it nice to have them kinda brains?


twentybux

Scott was a consistent silver buyer
And each time it would seem to rise higher
Till the day that it dove as he wept
Taking his treasure trove to new depths
Proving dollar cost averaging is a lie here


ZOO

On realcent there's a guy with a handle of Z00
Often reader's would question his comments with "Who?"
"too much time on their hands," he chided the Boards
But with Markets closed we can't add to our hoards
So let's ease up, folks, remember... he's a Noob


Country

A Gentleman resides here named Country
Who Excels at accounting your hunts, free
For spare time he is lacking
After all of that tracking
"But for me," he explains "it is fun, see?"


Nickeless

Chad likes to prep for the day
When TSHTF as they say
"Could you can this, Mr. Nickelless?"
"I'm not sure, might be ticklish"
"But my herring are pickled fish, Oy Vey!"


Deal

Gun Nuts gotta love this Deal
No Eastern bloc rip-offs, they're real
If you're looking for a gun
His forum is the one
As thieves would say "it's a steal!"


rexmerdinus

There's a guy with a name of Rexmerdinus
Seems it rhymes, almost, with sex murderuh's
Whom the cattle on the trail
With a question will assail
"Is that Tex," moo moo, "a herdin' us?"


rastatodd

There's another fella named Rastatodd
Who, if he fished, could be called Castarod
But owning an Italian Deli would be best
As patrons, rubbing bellies, could then jest
"This is delicious, who made this pasta, God?"


uthminsta

Aaron is uthminsta in disguise
Heck, you want to rhyme that, you try
During auctions, instead of bidding
He asks questions, I'm not kidding
Instead of bid increments he'll post "Why?"


natsb88

Natsb88 is the one with the store
That sells copper bars, silver and more
An engineering student in school
He now follows the Golden Rule's
That should ensure business success, fer shore


slickeast

There once was a man named Peter
Took a taxi to his girlfriend's to meet her
In her bedroom Slickeast
Found her infected, with yeast
So he proceeded to bake, rather than eat her


Newton7

There once was a guy Newton7
Roamed the Forum as late as eleven
Posting "There is money, I think,
Mostly sorting Copper from Zinc,
It's like catching pennies from Heaven"


barrytrot

There's an ethical member, Barrytrot
Who promotes Biblical precepts and thought
Like morals, of wrong and right
Beliefs, the importance of polite
It would be cool if Eternity was not very hot


justj2k78

justj2k78 is jumbled up code for just Jay
A psych nurse who can't wait to get paid
This guy loves his work
For Kooks are his quirk
And for Silver Eagles he'll happily trade


NHsorter

Jason the New Hampshire sorter
Dwells not far from Poverty's border
Constantly increasing his hoard
Despite what he can afford
"I'll pay, somehow, for silver I order"


Surething

Joe knows a Surething when he sees one
The Fed's printing is nothing but treason
"By the time we hyperinflate
Fiat currency will deflate"
So he's buying silver now with good reason


tractorman

Trent is a man out standing in his field
Producing amazing crop yields
He's called Tractorman
It's a bigger factor than
The horse-driven plows Amish wield


theshoenlebens

Theshoenlebens is really named Chris
From frequent dealings I am positive of this
But it seems there's a crisis
He can't pay for his license
Though most Weekend Sale Silver he claims as his


CardsnCoins

There's an avid roll hunter named CardsnCoins
Searching for silver from New York to Des Moines
To boxes of dimes he's addicted
Seems he's OCD afflicted
Precious Metals Anonymous he'll soon need to join.


ScottyTX

ScottyTx is, you guessed it, named Scotty
Who likes to sell coins to us that he got free
Says he works on a rig
But that's not his main gig
"The big money is made on Craigslist below spot, see?"


JadeDragon

JadeDragon is too hard to rhyme
So I'll use Cameron, instead, this one time
If a problem is designed
A solution he will find
And publish an E-how for inquiring minds


Silver Addict

There's a Big Dog on this site sniffing our butts
Seems some show dogs prefer mixing with mutts
Silver Addict, you see,
Yearns, at times to run free
From BS duties, but don't worry David, you'll adjust


Highroller12345

Highroller is Adam, he's The Man
To store copper till he's rich, that's the plan
As the prices climb higher
A bigger warehouse he'll acquire
So his supply can then satisfy the demand


oakair

Andres goes by the name of Oakair
Moved because of all the old folk there
From Florida's sunny shores pretty
To Denver's Mile High City
Beats LA, with it's smog he'd have choked there


neilgin1

I wonder where Neilgin is?
Hope he's not wasted on too many gin fizz
I've enjoyed in the past
His posts, as long as they last,
Could be he's fishin and reeling in his


RichardPenny43

I don't even know this dude Richard Penny
But he's limericking along with the best of many
But anyone who likes NASCAR
Earns himself a gold star
As long I don't have to pay for that award, if any


blackrabbit

There's a guy in CA named blackrabbit
Who swaps MJ to support his crack habit
His parents failed, you see
To raise him religiously
But they blame all of that on a slack Abbot


NDFarmer

In the Dakota's there lives NDFarmer
And Ron, it seems is quite the charmer
Told the wife, "That copper ain't wert much
Just a few thousand boxes or such"
Because he didn't want to alarm her


Dumpster Diver

There's a salvage man here, Dumpster Diver
Who's as ingenious at scrounging as McGyver
But with "the touch" that he's got
He avoids much copper that is hot
It's just at parties that he's the live wire, sir


Copper Catcher

Copper Catcher holds this famed record thus far
For KSA Mystery Box's contents he's the star
Who could ever believe
That they would receive
A one hundred ounce Engelhard bar?!!!


Delaware Jack

"If you can read this then you are in range here"
And it's evident to me that sign spells danger
So with Delaware Jack
You just better keep track
Of the difference tween live friends and dead strangers


Aristobolus

An unorthodox cross-dressing priest; Aristobolus
Offered turkey dinners at Thanksgiving that cried "Gobble us"
He continued in this service
Till He actually grew nervous
That the spike heels he wore "might just hobble us"


Chief

Austin wasn't really a grump, thanks
It's just that an undeserved bump ranks
So when they told Chief "no more"
"I'll get even," he swore
"I'll turn them into one of my dump banks"


CUBaker

There was a stacker once named CU Baker
A fan, can you believe, of the Lakers?
When LA slid into the ocean
Due to seismic commotion
They then renamed the team The Quakers


PeacePeople

Mike's from Utah, he's known as Peace People
And he'd rather not support their fees steep, he'll
Avoid sites like ebay
And to paypal he'll say
"Keep your gifts, I ain't helpin' you fleece sheeple"


OneBiteAtATime

He's got a cartoon avatar, Woody Woodpecker
You'd imagine, too, that there'd be a Shrek here
Is this rhyme, or a crime?
For OneBiteAtATime
To me sounds just like Hannibal Lecter


agmoose

How far can the gold bull climb?
To unimaginable heights given time
But if you think it's too late
Board the agmoose that waits
Bet with Keith on silver troy ounces .999


dakota1955

Dakota1955
Was the number of Sioux braves in the tribe
Little Bighorn, General Custer
Battle's blood remains dust there
Guess they wanted them all dead, not alive


treetop

Treetop's a nice guy named Zac
Who moved, anticipating an urban attack
This once NM high plains drifter
Couldn't have uprooted much swifter
If he were pulling weeds in his garden out back


TheJonasCollegeFund

Notre Dame, Indiana, or Purdue
Rob Stapleton has big goals, that's no news
So he's investing now for his son
With TheJonasCollegeFund
Hoping one day all these school dreams come true


henrysmedford

Up North, in Oregon's forested Beaver State
There resides a family of cent sorters of late
Henrysmedford is their name
Theodore shares Franklin's tv fame
For saving two hundred thousand coppers to date


Roadrunner

The Roadrunner's a fleet-footed bird
At least that's what I've always heard
To outpace inflation
He invests in safe havens
Till they reach levels that today seem absurd


saabman

We've a member on the realcent forum named the saabman
Who, were he a baseball fan, could quote stats of Ty Cobb, and
His avatar "don't tread on me"
Promoted Colonial Liberty
And that snake? It's scarier than McQueen screaming "it's the Blob, man!"


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