Friday, November 6, 2009

Ryedale; Sort of a Genius?

Someday, in the not-too-distant future, the first Ryedale Coin Sorter machine will be enshrined in the Smithsonian. People wandering by - observing the display - will be heard to murmur in wonder. "There it is, Jethro," whispers Sallie Lou, "that's the dern thangie that led to the disappearance of them pennies we used to have when we wuz kids." Crowds will gather to gape open-mouthed at the exhibit and provosts will have to scurry them along.

A hypothetical scenario, sure... but it could happen. How else will the Copperists claim all the unsaved? There are a hell of a lot (strike that) a heck of a bunch of copper pennies out there, buried and left for dead in the ground, strewn haphazardly across asphalt parking lots, choking on secondary smoke in ashtrays, and absorbing polyvinyl chloride fumes from the walls of pink plastic piggy banks where they abide, about the country. And that doesn't even begin to count all the pennies in change and bank vaults.

Some how, some way, we need to figure out a rapid way to differentiate and quarantine the more than 550,000 tons of Lincoln Memorial copper pennies from circulation before the Chinese start shipping them off to their homeland by the railroad car for sorting by nimble Asian fingers. They're stockpiling all sorts of commodities over there, so they wouldn't even have to return their zincs to snotty tellers, they'd have a probable use for it.

Realcent forum members swear by the Ryedale Coin Artist and its little brother the Apprentice. Where else can you find an apparatus that will accurately segregate the coppers from the zincs? At the rate of 18,000 coins per hour! You'd have to be an eight-armed Kali on meth to approach numbers like that and, even then, your energy would eventually flag requiring rejuvenation via life-sustaining fluids like Diet Mountain Dew.

Ryedale's are costly, to be sure, running into the several-hundred-dollar price range, but to hear the converted preach, they're well worth the investment. Just look at the sizable hoards of copper pennies attained by several realcent members and you'll realize "behind every successful man there stands a Ryedale." Sometimes as many as three.

I cannot personally attest to the worth of a Ryedale as, sadly, I don't own one at this time. Maybe I'll get lucky and win one in Copper Catcher's Christmas Contest. If so, I would rejoice. But just ask Realcent forum members Hoard, or Highroller, or Slick and they'd likely exclaim "I can't live without it, it changed my life." And countless others would readily step forward to witness faithfully.

Let us all take a moment then, to reflect in appreciation of the ease with which a Ryedale can facilitate our endeavors, preserving our precious time that we can subsequently allocate to equally worthy tasks. Thanksgiving is approaching, and it is in that vein, from the bottom of our piles of pennies that we solemnly avow, "thank you, St. Andy."

For further information contact Andy Redlon at

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